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Dec. 31st, 2025 03:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobel posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
agonyaunt[I think this is the same situation as in conuly's last post but with more details]
Dear Eric: My husband and I have been together for 11 years. He has one daughter, 43, with two young children I adore and have been close to until last summer when the volcano erupted.
Since the beginning of our relationship, I have made every effort to be loving and generous to his daughter. She acts entitled and ungrateful to me.
It’s my fault for not standing up for myself early in my joining the family. For example, I wish to be thanked for gifts, babysitting, making holidays happen, having them over for dinner and so on.
She doesn’t seem to care about me at all. Her father will not stand up to her and seems scared of her.
Last summer I blew up at her in a text and let her know how I feel about her behavior.
I called her a manipulative user and let her know my truth which is certainly not her truth. I apologized twice in two letters for being so harsh, but she will not forgive me, allow a repair or let me see the grandkids. Her father will not help. This is hurting our marriage.
I miss the little ones terribly and cried for months about this. Yes, I am in therapy and hoping my husband will go to couples counseling together. Funny, he is a psychotherapist. I would be most appreciative if you can offer us your help.
— Missing Family
Family: Ask yourself what you have the power to change and what you need to accept, even if you don’t like it.
For instance, you probably should accept that the relationship with your husband’s daughter is not serving either one of you right now. And it’s probably because her relationship with your husband is not healthy. It’s likely that some of the frustration you’re feeling stems from a desire to change something that’s outside of your control.
You write that your husband won’t help you. If you want him to compel his daughter to accept your apology, that might not actually be useful. Unfortunately, even though your relationship with the grandkids was, perhaps, healthy, the other relationships supporting it are less so.
So, what can you change? Well, you’re doing the most important first step by working on yourself in therapy. If your husband won’t go to couples counseling (which he should), ask him why and ask him how he proposes to help you both communicate better.
conuly's last post but with more details]Dear Eric: My husband and I have been together for 11 years. He has one daughter, 43, with two young children I adore and have been close to until last summer when the volcano erupted.
Since the beginning of our relationship, I have made every effort to be loving and generous to his daughter. She acts entitled and ungrateful to me.
It’s my fault for not standing up for myself early in my joining the family. For example, I wish to be thanked for gifts, babysitting, making holidays happen, having them over for dinner and so on.
She doesn’t seem to care about me at all. Her father will not stand up to her and seems scared of her.
Last summer I blew up at her in a text and let her know how I feel about her behavior.
I called her a manipulative user and let her know my truth which is certainly not her truth. I apologized twice in two letters for being so harsh, but she will not forgive me, allow a repair or let me see the grandkids. Her father will not help. This is hurting our marriage.
I miss the little ones terribly and cried for months about this. Yes, I am in therapy and hoping my husband will go to couples counseling together. Funny, he is a psychotherapist. I would be most appreciative if you can offer us your help.
— Missing Family
Family: Ask yourself what you have the power to change and what you need to accept, even if you don’t like it.
For instance, you probably should accept that the relationship with your husband’s daughter is not serving either one of you right now. And it’s probably because her relationship with your husband is not healthy. It’s likely that some of the frustration you’re feeling stems from a desire to change something that’s outside of your control.
You write that your husband won’t help you. If you want him to compel his daughter to accept your apology, that might not actually be useful. Unfortunately, even though your relationship with the grandkids was, perhaps, healthy, the other relationships supporting it are less so.
So, what can you change? Well, you’re doing the most important first step by working on yourself in therapy. If your husband won’t go to couples counseling (which he should), ask him why and ask him how he proposes to help you both communicate better.
