Fic: We Launch in Five

[mrsluigivargas]

We Launch in Five
Mario and Kamek have a chat on the deck of Bowser’s airship.

Fandom: Super Mario
Rating: General Audiences
Characters: Kamek, Mario
Relationships: Mario & Kamek
Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Spoilers
Length: 992 words

~~~

The last remaining of Bowser’s airships capable of flight bustled with activity as minions scurried around getting it ready for liftoff. Kamek stood among them, watching to make sure preparations were going smoothly; as Bowser had been neatly folded into a square shorter than he was with worse mobility, it was up to him to make sure the minions didn't somehow mess something up.

...even if he would rather be sweeping up that conspicuous dirt pile over there.

...ah, but he should focus; he was hardly a groundskeeper anymore. And he’ll hopefully never be again. He’s got enough titles stuffed in his job description as it is.

He glanced starboard and Mario was leaning against the railing, staring off at the other side of the ship. Just standing there, as hard-working members of Bowser’s Army flowed around him like water.

Kamek marched up to him. “What are you just loafing around for?” he said angrily. “Make yourself useful or get out of our way!”

Mario didn't acknowledge his words, lost in his own little world. Kamek’s eye twitched. Back to being ignored, was he?

“Hey!” Kamek jabbed the end of his broom into Mario’s nose. “Are you listening to me?!”

Mario started, looking cross-eyed at the broom in his face. His gaze slid down it to Kamek, who was scowling fiercely at him. Mario’s face turned apologetic in return. His eyes flicked over to what he’d been looking at once more, then he stood up straight and shook his head as if to clear it.

Kamek looked too, to a small crowd of Bob-ombs milling about the door to the cannons. He considered Mario, who was passing him to leave with a face that looked a bit sad, beneath his usual expression.

“Oh,” Kamek said. It sounded amused. “You got attached to one, didn't you?”

Mario stopped in his tracks. He turned around and blinked at Kamek, who smirked at his surprise.

“Yes,” Kamek mused. “It makes sense for a goody-two-shoes like you to do something like that. You know their lives are meant to be short, right? If you start having feelings about that, you'll just find yourself in more trouble than it's worth.”

Eyes flashing with indignation, Mario balled his fists with an impressive scowl of his own. Kamek scoffed at the display, rolling his eyes.

“Seriously,” he continued, “do you even know how many walk out of the factories every day? There are hundreds, sometimes! They’re all disposable! Take it from me, if you grieve after every single one, you'll burn yourself out in no time. Besides” — Kamek crossed his arms — “they hardly do much these days, aside from being sent out to fight you.”

Mario’s glare froze. It melted into something troubled.

“Oh, for the love of —!” Kamek poked Mario’s chest with his broom. “You heroes always make everything about yourselves. It's not like we expressly tell them to blow themselves up for good; it's hardly anyone’s problem if some of them get overzealous trying to defeat you. They're really not allowed to be that stupid unless it's an emergency, which” — Kamek’s face fell — “I suppose this classifies as.”

Mario frowned. He raised his head, looking up at where Olivia was flying up by the mast with Bowser Junior, and Kamek wondered if the emergency the Bob-omb Mario was thinking about had given it their all for had something to do with her.

“Well, all’s unfair in war, it seems.” Kamek sighed. “The Bob-ombs will be in the cannons,” he told Mario. “It’s doubtful we’ll be allowed to storm Peach’s Castle without resistance. So don't waste time in hesitating for them; they'd rather go out with their impact, as you surely already know. And defending us — you — so you can go do your hero thing certainly is an impact worthy of having.

“Falling out of the sky into the ocean would be a most unfortunate fate in comparison,” Kamek added, leveling Mario with a glare. “So you’d better not screw up!”

Kamek didn't take his eyes off Mario until he received a firm nod in answer, after which he stalked away to yell at a stray Shy Guy for making a mess. Mario fell into step behind him, and it admittedly took a while for Kamek to realize he’d done so, caught up as he was in mentally bemoaning the incompetence that surrounded him.

“...What are you doing?”

Mario shrugged, grinning.

Nearby, a Koopa tripped, the crate they were carrying flying up into the air. Kamek drew his wand to catch it with his magic. “Be careful!” Kamek snapped as Mario helped them back onto their feet. They paid him little attention, busy staring starstruck at Mario. Kamek grumbled about being ignored yet again as they scurried away with a blush on their cheeks. Mario jumped up to grab the crate still floating in the air, and waited patiently for Kamek to get the ire out of his system.

Kamek’s complaints petered out as he noticed Mario with the crate under his arm, watching him expectantly. The confused scrunch of his face shifted to mild irritation fairly quickly, though. “I suppose I did want you to be useful,” he muttered. If only everyone was as eager about receiving orders from him. “Put that over there” — he pointed — “and then go get Olivia and talk to King Bowser; we’re practically ready for liftoff.”

Mario nodded enthusiastically and hurried off to do just that. Kamek watched him go with a huff, then went to go chat with the airship pilot.

Minutes after that, the airship took flight, soaring towards the volcano upon which Princess Peach’s Castle sat. As predicted, there were origami aircraft ready to meet them, to knock them out of the sky. And when Mario had to man the main cannon to defend the airship, Kamek was pleased to note that he didn't miss a single shot. A more than adequate performance, if he did say so himself.

~~~

This fic was written for the Paper Mario Zine 2024! It released in anticipation of the Paper Mario: the Thousand Year Door remake and can be found here. Honored to be a part of it!

This WIP had been in my drafts for a while, so I was happy to dust it off. Really wanted to contrast Mario, who’d never really thought about Bob-ombs blowing up, and Kamek, who has seen hundreds if not thousands of them die in the name of Bowser’s Kingdom and is more or less numb to it.

The way I was thinking of it, all the soldiers are technically expendable (aside from super high-ranking ones like Kamek I guess), but the Bob-ombs are uniquely expendable in the sense that they're mass-produced and literally designed to explode (and therefore die), lmao. I feel like Kamek's been at the castle for so long, and he's seen so many Bob-ombs explode over the course of his life, that he's more or less numb to it now. Sure, there might be some deep-buried place in that cold heart of his that still kinda goes "aw man :/" when Bob-ombs start exploding, but they're all soldiers, you know? It comes with the territory. Every group of soldiers has a skill set to rely on, and a Bob-ombs's main skill is the power of its kamikaze explosion, ha. That sort of viewpoint probably passed to Bowser, in some fashion. Though sometimes I wonder whether the Bob-omb's culture of going out with an impact came from the Bob-ombs themselves in the factories when they realized how fragile they actually were — and then maybe got warped to serve the Army's needs — or if it was actually from some kind of propaganda campaign that promoted that sort of mentality from the moment the Bob-ombs stepped off the assembly line, so they would feel less wary about exploding to death for the goals of Bowser's Kingdom, that then melted into the aforementioned culture over many years of oral traditions. Or maybe both options reinforced each other. Or maybe I'm being too negative about it XD